The Daily Valet. - 3/31/23, Friday
✔️ Not a Surprise. Still Shocking.
Friday, March 31st Edition
By Cory Ohlendorf, Valet. Editor
Keep your guard up and watch out for pranks this weekend.
Today’s Big Story
Trump Is Indicted
the first former president to face criminal charges is expected to surrender next week
It's not a surprise, but it's still shocking. A grand jury in Manhattan voted to indict former President Donald Trump on Thursday, his lawyer Joe Tacopina said. The indictment marks the first-ever criminal charge against a former U.S. president in history, and caps weeks of tense anticipation over Trump's legal jeopardy in New York.The exact nature of the charges was unclear early Friday because the indictment remained under seal, but they stem from hush money payments made during his 2016 presidential campaign for an extramarital sexual encounter with adult performer Stormy Daniels. According to the Associated Press, prosecutors were working to coordinate Trump's surrender, which could happen early next week. They did not say whether they intended to seek prison time in the event of a conviction, a development that wouldn't prevent Trump from seeking and assuming the presidency.Did you know that? That even a conviction would not bar Trump from running for president? A clean criminal record is not among the criteria the Constitution sets for who is eligible to be president. Yes, officials who have been impeached and convicted of “high crimes and misdemeanors” may be barred from taking office, but the Senate acquitted Trump at both his impeachment trials. So if you have a felony conviction, you might not be able to vote for president, but you can run for president.According to sources quoted by several media outlets, Trump faces more than two dozen counts related to business fraud, but the case is far from a sure bet. If the case goes to trial (and it almost certainly will) a conviction would likely require a jury to credit the testimony of former Trump attorney Michael Cohen, who's faced his own legal troubles and pleaded guilty to an array of federal felonies—among them was a campaign-finance offense for the porn-star payment, as well as charges of lying to a bank and to Congress.Grand jury proceedings are secret, but a source familiar with the case told CNN that a witness gave about 30 minutes of testimony before it voted to indict Trump. At a time of deep political divisions, the case will no doubt test our political system, which has never seen a former president fingerprinted and arraigned—let alone while running again for office. Trump released a statement in response to the indictment claiming it was “Political Persecution and Election Interference at the highest level in history.”
Dig Deeper:
NBC News has the five key things to look for when the Trump indictment is unsealed.
The ‘Real’ History of April Fools’ Day
No joke, the origins of everyone’s least favorite “holiday” are shrouded in mystery
Just a heads up: Tomorrow is April Fools' Day, the annual holiday that celebrates pranking, hoaxes, and all manner of tomfoolery. It was something that we loved as kids and if it weren't for internet brands and social media resurrecting it for adults' entertainment, it probably never would've advanced past middle school.But what's the story behind this day? It's actually been celebrated for several centuries by different cultures, though its exact origins remain a mystery. Some historians have dug all the way back to Ancient Rome to uncover evidence of the first April fool. Back then, they called days of rejoicing “hilaria.”Most historians speculate that April Fools' Day as we know it dates back to 1582, when France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar. In the Julian Calendar, as in the Hindu calendar, the new year began with the spring equinox around April 1. People who were slow to get the news or failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January 1 and continued to celebrate it during the last week of March through April 1 became the butt of jokes and were called “April fools.” They were pranked by having paper fish placed on their backs and being referred to as “poisson d’avril” (April fish), meant to symbolize a young, easily caught fish and a gullible person.
Beware:
You don't need me to tell you this, but pranking your partner for likes is a surefire way to get dumped.
The New, Faster MLB Is Here
THere were Clock violations and harried hot dog runs on 2023's opening day
Major League Baseball is putting in effect some of the biggest changes in the sport's history in hopes to speed up the game and inject a little more activity. Under sunny skies in Washington and Boston, Chicago and New York on Thursday, a digital clock with yellow numbers gleamed behind home plate and in center field.Say hello to the biggest change: The pitch clock. Pitchers now have 15 seconds with the bases empty and 20 seconds with a runner on. And batters not in the box by the eight-second mark will receive a strike. According to The Athletic, the clock worked as planned and all the opening day games worked out to be 26 minutes shorter than last year's average.But, of course, the first few games came with the first pitch clock violations as well. And the new rules were felt off the field, too. Announcers marveled at how quickly the game was moving. Even the crowds on the concourses seemed to be moving faster.
Clock It:
In 2021, an average game set a record at 3 hours 11 minutes—it was 2 hours 44 minutes in 1985.
This Is the Best Time to Visit National Parks
Beat the crowds and Connect With Nature
Visits to U.S. national parks have been way up lately. The National Park Service, which oversees federal parks, memorials and historic sites released its annual visitation figures, and there were over 312 million attendees last year, a 5% increase from the previous year, which had seen a jump as COVID swept the nation.Since the agency began recording attendance in 1904, there have been 15.7 billion recreational visits to our National Park System. It's clear we're a country that appreciates them. And that's good to know. Plus, we've got some really impressive parks, in case you haven't gotten the chance to check them out ... yet.Spring is actually an ideal time. The weather is more comfortable yet the crush of summertime crowds aren't there yet. You also get the benefit that most parks are bursting with colorful floral blooms March through May. And there's a park to suit anyone's taste, from Joshua Tree and Zion National Park to Mammoth Cave National Park (home to the world's longest cave system).
by the numbers:
Spanning 27 states, America’s 58 National Parks blanket an amazing 84.6 million acres of American soil. That’s a full 3.4% of the United States.
In Other News
The first American journalist to be arrested in Russia since the Cold War.
Have you heard about ...
A Weekend Pairing
‘John Wick: Chapter 4’ + a Blanton’s Bourbon
We gave it a week to see if John Wick: Chapter 4 was worth watching. Despite the film being three hours long and Wick barely speaking as he confronts scores of attackers across Morocco, Japan, Germany and France. Apparently, Keanu Reeves’s dogged assassin takes the term “strong, silent type” to extremes and speaks just 380 words throughout the whole film. This was expected to be the final installment in the franchise, but a fifth film is back on the table after its astonishing opening at the global box office. So, fine, let’s go see it (assuming you haven’t yet).After three sequels of our favorite suited assassin fighting for his freedom from the High Table—the governing body of the international society of assassins that Wick’s a part of—he finally scores a victory and finds some peace (possibly). According to The Guardian, if the plot of the latest outing offers no surprises, “the stunts are mind-boggling and it’s still an enjoyably pulpy slaughterfest.” Other critics said this long-delayed chapter was worth the wait and this “distills the mythology-heavy approach of the last couple chapters with the streamlined action of the first film, resulting in a final hour here that stands among the best of the genre.”
Pair It With
If you’re not a whiskey enthusiast, you might’ve missed Wick sipping on Blanton’s single-barrel bourbon in the earlier films. First introduced in 1984, Blanton’s namesake bourbon was the first-ever Single Barrel Bourbon sold commercially. It can sometimes be hard to track down (and expensive when you do find it), but the mini bottles are typically available, affordable and easier to sneak into the theater.
Also Worth a Watch:
‘Murder Mystery 2’ on Netflix; ‘Those Who Wish Me Dead’ on HBO Max; and ‘Rye Lane’ on Hulu
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Morning Motto
Express your gratitude this weekend.
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